HOT or NOT

As part of ongoing reasearch into the mating habits of The Crab, an online experiment is underway. As the 'control' for this experiment, we have enlisted the help of the heart-throb from Halford, the Cassanova from Kineton - Mr Horsefly in order to determine exactly how attractive the Crab is to females.

Please enjoy the following genuine links:

http://hotornot.com/r/?eid=RYAENRH-EBE Horsefly (Control)
http://hotornot.com/r/?eid=RYAENMA-LQJ The Crab

CRAB MOVES TO ESSEX

The Crab has handed in his resignation at his place of work in Uxbridge after an unsavory calamari related incident in the office canteen.
The Crab is set to join a firm based in Chelmsford (due to its close proximity to tidal water on the East Coast). Chelmsford is just 10 miles to the east of Chipping Ongar and Henri's (see earlier posts) family seat - a magnificent hall with Medieval roots.
With much bad blood between Henri and The Crab, Henri has taken the decision to place his family home on the open market, as the proceeds will also help to subsidise his increasingly lavish lifestyle of skiing and 'after-snow' parties.
The property sale includes a v12 supercharged 6.5l 3 door Range Rover with 428,000 miles on the clock, port stained white leather interior, wanted by police in 8 UK counties along numerous outstanding warrants made by the French La Sûreté Nationale for speeding offences.

XXX Rated - Clapham Revisited

Crab mating usually takes place from June all the way until October. During courtship, the male does a dance waving his swim paddles. The female must be in soft-shell stage to mate. When the female is ready to moult, the male moves over her and holds her beneath him. The female then moves closer to the ocean and burrows in the mud for winter.
This image taken on Clapham Common in June 2006, seems to show the Crab involved in a phantom mating with another lustful male (see Postman Pat post from February 2007). It is important to note that this is the first time that such an incident has occurred and that the Crab does not involve himself in this type of activity on a regular basis and is actively seeking a female companion (see earlier posts).

Perchandising

As part of a hugely lucrative merchandising deal with Pakeman Catto and Carter and Loch Fyne seafood restaurants, Crabsworld is pleased to announce that themed clothing is now available for supporters of The World. Crabsworld's top taylors will be happy to meet your clothing needs. Simply email harrygladwin@hotmail.com to order a garment from our standard range or pehaps have something special designed for a loved one.

Crab Pot - Nature's Bounty

Marine photography has come on a long way in recent years. A movement sensitive underwater camera placed in tidal water off the south coast by students at Southampton University captured this image of a peculiar figure trapped in a lobster pot. The trap, which had been heavily baited with Haribo, was set after a strange figure had been spotted floating on the current and several infants clutching choc-ices had been snatched from lilos whilst swimming in shallow water. A DEFRA spokesman said that shortly after this photograph was taken, The Crab escaped and is believed to have scuttled inland towards Berkshire. If spotted, drop all confectionery and contact DEFRA.

Virgin ATLANTIC

Due to an unfortunate incident involving the water fountain at his former place of work, The Crab has had to resign and take up employment with a rival agent in Essex. As a treat, Teh Crab has hired a plane from his favourite airline (Virgin Atlantic - his second favorite being Cathay Pacific). The Crab's flight details:
Departure London (LGW) to Antigua (ANU) / Flight: VS033
Depart 09:00 Wednesday, 21 Mar, 2007
Arrive 13:40 Wednesday, 21 Mar, 2007
Economy seat 54H
The telephone number for LONDON GATWICK, South Terminal is +44 (0)870 000 2468 - they have a public address system incase anyone has any urgent messages to get to The Crab i.e. "Could Matthew Brouwer please come to the information desk and speak to Arhevbin Fayed and Bybeiev Rhibodie" (I‘ve just been fired, and bye-bye everybody)..... for example.

Please note that Crabsworld does not condone prank calling and recommends that you do not call Gatwick Airport as they will have plenty of other things to deal with.