Salty Claus

After a thoroughly enjoyable days shooting, The Christmas Syndicate wish The Crab a happy Christmas and wish him a safe journey home. With his pockets full of empty shells, The Crab descends into a misty lagoon and slips away into the fog.........

Lunch

Always a happy time of the day, lunch is when The Crab is at his most relaxed. By pure luck, we see the moment, captured on film, when the serving wench announces that one of the beaters has had to go home and that there is a piece of pork pie going spare.

Note the familiar sea-faring face of Mr C Hart sitting next to The Crab. Hart, although hungry by nature, has food of another variety on his mind, as Miss N Taylor (#4 female game shot in the EU) bends over to pick up a cartridge bag.

El Matador

With a brand outfit, pincer-protecting mits and Quarry Identification System, The Crab stood on his peg ready for his first shot of the day. Here we catch the awkward moment when The Editor breaks the news to The Crab that he has to pick the gun up and pull the trigger before it will go bang.....
The Crab is keen, but very new to shooting, and is now taking bookings for the 2007/08 season.

The Shoot - Quarry i.d.

With the events of the previous evening now far behind them, the Syndicate (headed by The Crab) were focused on the day's shooting which stood before them. The Crab, in a typically organised fashion, brought along his Quarry Identification System (tm) which neatly fitted on to his lapel and provided an invaluable resource throughout the day (click to enlarge picture). A member of The Syndicate, Mr S Hartley (Eastern Counties chairman of Farmers in Crisis - see related article http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/the_economy/215369.stm) has kindly pointed the Quarry id system out in this picture, during one of his brief trips to the UK (as much of his time is spent lobbying abroad).

Anti Drinking Device

At 0014hrs, a decision was made by the Christmas Syndicate that Canners (chief bugler) should refrain from drinking any more, as he was beginning to impersonate exotic animals and dance the Barynya (the original fast Russian folk dance with fancy foot stomping and a traditional Cossack/Ukrainian flavour). A specially designed restraining bucket was fitted to Canners (see photograph) which prevented him for ingesting any more of his favoured Irish whisky.

Sea Food Alergy?

Following his initial toast, and a swift 208 units of alcohol, The Crab began to complain of stomach pain and retreated to the lavatory of the pub. At 2345hrs, the loo door had to be broken down as reports were heard that the Crab was trying to escape back to the ocean via the lavatory bowl. It soon became clear that The Crab was hugging the loo bowl and, rather than escaping, was storing some partially digested food for consumption at a later date (typical of the species). Thanks to the quick-thinking Mr B Brown (a local grower) this revolting behaviour was stopped by administering a cold shower (actually slightly warm) to the Crab's over-sized cranium.

Opening Ceremony - Toast by the Chaiman

Following the sounding of the bugle, the Chairman (Crab) raised his super-sized glass for a toast to The Queen, followed by the reading of a telegram from Mr H S Coxe who could not be in Rutland due to commitments abroad.

Christmas Syndicate This Year

22nd December marked the annual meeting of the Christmas Syndicate for a days shooting in Rutland. The opening ceramony was a typically traditional affair, marked by the blowing of the bugle, carried out by a keen supporter of the Syndicate (see earlier posts for further information on bugalist).

Nokia S.N.A.P. Pincer-Free System

A picture taken in the Crabmobile(tm) during a trip to Rutland. Here we see the new Nokia S.N.A.P. (Scientific Nicotine Application Pump) in use, as The Crab adjusts the pipe which connects the S.N.A.P. directly to an artery in his neck - providing an instant nicotine hit, without the need for handling and lighting cigarettes whilst on the road.

Cold Snap - Christmas Party Season

A rival male, well known to the Crab is spotted carrying out a late mating dance on the Crab's turf. Looking out of place is this dark, musty environment, the male begins his search for a weaker female, posturing in a traditional 'stag-like' manner. Note the stripy markings of this young male, highlighting to rivals the fact that he is dangerous and shoudl not be challenged. 

Snapped

Photo supplied courtesy of Gloucestershire Constabulary Speed Control Centre. A speed camera located oppostite a popular truckers cafe called 'Greasy Joes' just outside Cirencester snaps an image of The Crab just as he passes through this popular market town in his covertable Mercedes (see arlier entries). Still holding an account at this eatery, The Crab is clearly on his way to see Greasy for a lunchtime Murder Burger. 

Thanks to Trigger

Here we see Trigger saying goodbye to The Crab, as he slips off into his winter hunting waters. Huge thanks to Trigger for providing the previous images - remember that images can be sent to Crabsworld via email, picture message or post. We will pay for any suitable images as part of this ongoing research into The Crab. 

Victory Lap

Overcome with emotion after a successful mating, The Crab completes a victory lap of chez Triggs, clearly overcome with sexual emotion.

Mission Accomplished

Having taken his mate into his lair, a frenzied session of love making began, punctuated by series of squeals and cries, swiftly followed by a victorious Crab, emerging (David Hasslehoffesque) at the entrance to his lair, clearly confident that he has achieved his goal and secured the future of his species.

Love Scuttle

When in full musk (as seen in this photo), mates stand little chance of escape from the powerful Crab. Here we see an experienced young female, ready to mate and showing signs of being particularly receptive to The Crab's love-scuttle.

In Rutt

As the evening matures, The Crab relaxes deeper and deeper. Now in his distinctive winter markings, the Crab scents females in the vicinity of the kitchen. Confident of his ability to attract a receptive female, Crabber immediately fluffs up his mating plumage.

Chez Trigger

When in musk (usually in the winter months) the Crab will attempt to mate with a number of females. Here, with his eyesight impared by the brackish Devonshire waters, the Crab mistakenly mounts a bronze dog, dismounting, sore from his efforts, some time later, when a more suitable mate floated by.

Sea Weed

Using his specially designed bespoke feeding straw, we see the Crab ingesting a dietry suppliment, vital for his wellbeing. The results of this sudden ingestion can be quite dramatic - see further images

Snap Shooting

A weekend at Trigger's in deepest Devon provided a perfect opportunity to see the Crab hunting in the wild. Still technically a juvenile male, his hunting skills are yet to be perfected - Note that the mouth is open, but the eyes are firmly closed, making a clean kill unlikley. 

Trigger

The following photographs are on loan from Trigger's personal gallery. They provide us with a new insight into the Crab's world. Seasoned visitors to The World will see the Crab in a new light.

Here we see Trigger commuting to his city job along the M25. Trigger is no longer in full time employment.