Salty Claus

After a thoroughly enjoyable days shooting, The Christmas Syndicate wish The Crab a happy Christmas and wish him a safe journey home. With his pockets full of empty shells, The Crab descends into a misty lagoon and slips away into the fog.........

Lunch

Always a happy time of the day, lunch is when The Crab is at his most relaxed. By pure luck, we see the moment, captured on film, when the serving wench announces that one of the beaters has had to go home and that there is a piece of pork pie going spare.

Note the familiar sea-faring face of Mr C Hart sitting next to The Crab. Hart, although hungry by nature, has food of another variety on his mind, as Miss N Taylor (#4 female game shot in the EU) bends over to pick up a cartridge bag.

El Matador

With a brand outfit, pincer-protecting mits and Quarry Identification System, The Crab stood on his peg ready for his first shot of the day. Here we catch the awkward moment when The Editor breaks the news to The Crab that he has to pick the gun up and pull the trigger before it will go bang.....
The Crab is keen, but very new to shooting, and is now taking bookings for the 2007/08 season.

The Shoot - Quarry i.d.

With the events of the previous evening now far behind them, the Syndicate (headed by The Crab) were focused on the day's shooting which stood before them. The Crab, in a typically organised fashion, brought along his Quarry Identification System (tm) which neatly fitted on to his lapel and provided an invaluable resource throughout the day (click to enlarge picture). A member of The Syndicate, Mr S Hartley (Eastern Counties chairman of Farmers in Crisis - see related article http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/the_economy/215369.stm) has kindly pointed the Quarry id system out in this picture, during one of his brief trips to the UK (as much of his time is spent lobbying abroad).

Anti Drinking Device

At 0014hrs, a decision was made by the Christmas Syndicate that Canners (chief bugler) should refrain from drinking any more, as he was beginning to impersonate exotic animals and dance the Barynya (the original fast Russian folk dance with fancy foot stomping and a traditional Cossack/Ukrainian flavour). A specially designed restraining bucket was fitted to Canners (see photograph) which prevented him for ingesting any more of his favoured Irish whisky.

Sea Food Alergy?

Following his initial toast, and a swift 208 units of alcohol, The Crab began to complain of stomach pain and retreated to the lavatory of the pub. At 2345hrs, the loo door had to be broken down as reports were heard that the Crab was trying to escape back to the ocean via the lavatory bowl. It soon became clear that The Crab was hugging the loo bowl and, rather than escaping, was storing some partially digested food for consumption at a later date (typical of the species). Thanks to the quick-thinking Mr B Brown (a local grower) this revolting behaviour was stopped by administering a cold shower (actually slightly warm) to the Crab's over-sized cranium.

Opening Ceremony - Toast by the Chaiman

Following the sounding of the bugle, the Chairman (Crab) raised his super-sized glass for a toast to The Queen, followed by the reading of a telegram from Mr H S Coxe who could not be in Rutland due to commitments abroad.

Christmas Syndicate This Year

22nd December marked the annual meeting of the Christmas Syndicate for a days shooting in Rutland. The opening ceramony was a typically traditional affair, marked by the blowing of the bugle, carried out by a keen supporter of the Syndicate (see earlier posts for further information on bugalist).

Nokia S.N.A.P. Pincer-Free System

A picture taken in the Crabmobile(tm) during a trip to Rutland. Here we see the new Nokia S.N.A.P. (Scientific Nicotine Application Pump) in use, as The Crab adjusts the pipe which connects the S.N.A.P. directly to an artery in his neck - providing an instant nicotine hit, without the need for handling and lighting cigarettes whilst on the road.

Cold Snap - Christmas Party Season

A rival male, well known to the Crab is spotted carrying out a late mating dance on the Crab's turf. Looking out of place is this dark, musty environment, the male begins his search for a weaker female, posturing in a traditional 'stag-like' manner. Note the stripy markings of this young male, highlighting to rivals the fact that he is dangerous and shoudl not be challenged. 

Snapped

Photo supplied courtesy of Gloucestershire Constabulary Speed Control Centre. A speed camera located oppostite a popular truckers cafe called 'Greasy Joes' just outside Cirencester snaps an image of The Crab just as he passes through this popular market town in his covertable Mercedes (see arlier entries). Still holding an account at this eatery, The Crab is clearly on his way to see Greasy for a lunchtime Murder Burger. 

Thanks to Trigger

Here we see Trigger saying goodbye to The Crab, as he slips off into his winter hunting waters. Huge thanks to Trigger for providing the previous images - remember that images can be sent to Crabsworld via email, picture message or post. We will pay for any suitable images as part of this ongoing research into The Crab. 

Victory Lap

Overcome with emotion after a successful mating, The Crab completes a victory lap of chez Triggs, clearly overcome with sexual emotion.

Mission Accomplished

Having taken his mate into his lair, a frenzied session of love making began, punctuated by series of squeals and cries, swiftly followed by a victorious Crab, emerging (David Hasslehoffesque) at the entrance to his lair, clearly confident that he has achieved his goal and secured the future of his species.

Love Scuttle

When in full musk (as seen in this photo), mates stand little chance of escape from the powerful Crab. Here we see an experienced young female, ready to mate and showing signs of being particularly receptive to The Crab's love-scuttle.

In Rutt

As the evening matures, The Crab relaxes deeper and deeper. Now in his distinctive winter markings, the Crab scents females in the vicinity of the kitchen. Confident of his ability to attract a receptive female, Crabber immediately fluffs up his mating plumage.

Chez Trigger

When in musk (usually in the winter months) the Crab will attempt to mate with a number of females. Here, with his eyesight impared by the brackish Devonshire waters, the Crab mistakenly mounts a bronze dog, dismounting, sore from his efforts, some time later, when a more suitable mate floated by.

Sea Weed

Using his specially designed bespoke feeding straw, we see the Crab ingesting a dietry suppliment, vital for his wellbeing. The results of this sudden ingestion can be quite dramatic - see further images

Snap Shooting

A weekend at Trigger's in deepest Devon provided a perfect opportunity to see the Crab hunting in the wild. Still technically a juvenile male, his hunting skills are yet to be perfected - Note that the mouth is open, but the eyes are firmly closed, making a clean kill unlikley. 

Trigger

The following photographs are on loan from Trigger's personal gallery. They provide us with a new insight into the Crab's world. Seasoned visitors to The World will see the Crab in a new light.

Here we see Trigger commuting to his city job along the M25. Trigger is no longer in full time employment. 

Crab Gun

The Crab has undergone an image transformation. His new stylist - Marina, has given Crabber a retro, Top-Gunesque look, with a flat-top, heavily styled hair cut, aviator sunglasses and new wardrobe from Greeneye Clothing Ltd.
We will wait to see what effect this new image has on The Crab's life. 

Burghley

Burghley 2006 was, even by the Crab's standards, a big event. Accompanied by a number of friends, including the infamous Turner, the Crab booked into a quaint holiday cottage (which for legal reasons cannot be discussed in any further detail at this stage). The only evidence of what went on at Burghley in existance is the attached letter, which gives some insight into the events of 8-10 Sept 2006. By clicking on the letter and then enlarging the image, you should be able to read it....

Top Crab

Like Tom Skerritt (Viper) from the 1986 classic Top Gun, The Crab looks ruggedly handsome as he scuttles accross the Mediterranean in a recent Balearic adventure. Aided by able seaman Canby aka Canners, the Crab, with just one pincer on the wheel, is every bit in control and at home, in this highly saline environment. 

Pool Dredged

Later that night, the pool was emptied and a full inspection carried out. Screams were heard at 2340hrs, as the mysterious object was found by the dredging team. Crabs worst fears were confirmed, as slowly, a hulking character emereged from the pool, glistening in the moonlight, with a glass of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1989 still in his hand - it was Henri…. and he was drunk. It soon became clear that during the previous night Henri, who was spending the summer in his Greek holiday home on a neighbouring island, had been sent out by his father to fetch some more cheese biscuits from the island resort to the south. As their 1930s speedboat had run out of oil, Henri decided to don his childhood wetsuit and swim the 5 miles to the next island, but upon arrival, had passed out in the swimming pool. 

@Home

Confident and graceful in the water the Crab is seen here coming up for air during a recent trip to Greece - staying at JJ's ancestoral home in the famed Kebab region of the country. JJ, whilst relaxing with his old flame Marsh, suddently looks up as he hears the crab gasp! "There's something in the pool! Get out! Everyone, get out of the pool!" The Crab rushed to the resort manager (an unsavory character) and ordered that the pool be dredged immediately in order to remove whatever was lying at the bottom of the deep end. 

Juan

Now is an appropriate time to introduce Juan Jeffries - a local restraunteur and part time chartered surveyor, well known to the Crab, as JJ's Oxfordshire diner is the Crab's favourite place to enjoy Greek food, served by Juan who prides himself on making each meal "just like the motherland".Juan has advised that he is now taking bookings for Christmas and opens daily from 11.30am til late all week (expect delays during Ramadan) 

The Prowling Pincer

At home on land or in the sea, here we see a picture of the mighty mollusc clinging to a rocky outcrop, waiting for a morsel to stray within striking distance. 

Bicuspid Crustacean

Oozing with pheromones, the Crab proves to be a magnet for receptive females. Here we see a native spanish girl gravitating towards his winning smile and un-nerving grasp of the Spanish language - "Los shotos por favore" - he was heard shouting by our man on the scene. 

Crabanova

A potent and exciting lover, The Crab, having discarded one mate, quickly searches for another. In a frenzy of saline seduction, here we see the Crab with a particularly attractive female, captured just off the North West coast of Mallorca. 

Distraught Onlookers

The mating scenes that followed are considered to be too disturbing to show on www.crabsworld.blogspot.com .
All that can be shown are the expressions on the faces of two innocent bystanders as they watch a full mating ritual unfold before their very eyes.