Clam Can (click the link not the picture)

There is no doubt that The Crab is currently on a high. In his private and work life, things appear to be under control. To mark these happy times and the onset of spring, The Crab and a small dancing band gathered at the weekend to express themselves via the medium of dance. Please click on this link: http://www.jibjab.com/sendables/share_view/zFOXF4PB31UqISvHiJSvqL5D

Hello?

Since leaving the south of the country, The Crab has kept an eye on his friends, taking great delight in their successes from afar. A recent success story is Matt's friend Tom who's sporting career is being overtaken my a musical one. Following a brief spell as an actor (playing the ship's cat in Red Dwarf) Tom then went on to play rugby, but quickly found that his flowing curly hair, thick mustache and astonishing vocal ability propelled him into the music industry. Here we see him on the front of his debut album - reportedly written for The Crab.

Krill Cream

Regardless of the state of the slopes, The Crab was in the Alps and ready to party. Always keen to maintain a slick external appearance, here we see The Crab preparing for a night on the tiles with a tub of his dermatologically tested and WWF approved Krill Cream™ branded hair gel.

Snow Bored

2008 marked The Crab's second skiing trip, the first having been in 2001 (which was marred by an incident with a Japanese tourist). Here we see the moment at which The Crab arrived in the resort, only to find his nemasis Henri waiting to greet him. The Crab was lured to the slopes after receiving a message from Henri reporting that the powder was incredible..... The two were clearly at crossed purposes, as The Crab noticed that Henri was pale and had clearly not been out in daylight for some months.

Down on The Farm

With the strength of the pound having a devestating effect on the UK farming industry, Trigger (see previous posts - Farmers In Crisis etc) is seen at the end of another weekend in London, after several intense meetings with his accountant and financial advisors. Trigger leads a somewhat hedonistic life and was told by his accountant and other advisors that he should spend more time at the farm..... taking this on board, Trigger headed to SW6 and spent several gruelling hours at The Farm (see photograph) in Fulham, eating a plump fillet steak.

Post-coital Crab

Coated in makeup (see previous post) and in a champagne fueled love rampage, The Crab was evidently successful in his quest to find a mate. Here we see evidence of this amorous event - the photograph can be enlarged by clicking upon it - note closely the object in the foreground....

Marine Marvel

In an attempt to lure a mate to within snapping distance, The Crab was photographed covertly applying mascara, lipstick and eye shadow to great effect.

Basking Crab

An opportunistic feeder at all times, here we see The Crab at a drinks party, feeding like the Basking Shark also pictured above. Profiteroles, canapes, sausages and prawns were seen to be sucked into The Crab - a very effective feeder in any environment.

Bubbles

Here we see The Crab proposing a toast to the brides and grooms, feeling particularly at home amongst the bubbles...

Engagements of Note

Mr Charles John Bickerton Evans recently announced his engagement to Miss Sophie Smith, with Mr Thomas Chugg (Dave) following suit a week later, by asking his girlfriend Miss Lisa Hutsby for her hand in marriage. Both raised in Worcestershire, the two grooms-to-be intend to wed in 2008 at a joint service just outside Droitwich Spa, with the honeymoons taking place in Bromyard and Kidderminster respectively. The Crab arrived in a traditionally festive outfit, armed with a bottle of champaigne to celebrate the occasion... raising a glass to the happy couples and then lowering it due to an athsma attack.

The Warwickshire Whelk - To Scale

Extremely rare, shy and nervous, here we see a photograph taken during very low light conditions (as it is said that he is alergic to natural light) of Huge Horsefly. Amazingly, here we see him photographed next to a standard size wine glass.

Crill in the Mist

Here we see two unmistakable silhouettes: in the background, The Crab, waiting to pounce on anything straying within snapping distance. In the foreground, we see Mr Huge Horsefly, almost indistinguishable from #4 peg(left of photo) on this drive.

Master of Ceramonies

With a glass raised to the chef and to Dave (see earlier posts), The Crab sings a sea shanty and scuttles off back into a dark corner.

Those left behind

With her eyes set on a set of babyback ribs, this planktonic figure shows her disgust as they are snatched from her eyes by The Termicrab.

Evans - Expensive taste

With squid and shellfish flying all around The Crabshack, a bystander took this photograph, as Mr Charles John Bickerton Evans was handed his most recent credit card bill, having let his girlfriend, Miss S Smith, loose for a spot of shopping in London, to get her out of his hair for a couple of hours.

Terminator

From an early age, it has been said that if The Crab is ever allowed to consume over 40 units of alcohol, he is transformed into a creature so terrifying that he represents a danger to all in the vicinity. In a scene remeniscent of the 1990s smash hit film, The Terminator, The Crab's eye, upon consuming his 40th unit, glows red and a rack of ribs, along with a poussin are terminated.

Side Order

Having finished the first course, The Crab quietly mentions to the staff that he would like a little more scampi.

Double Trouble

With competition for the food becoming increasingly intense and a drift net floating closer by the second, The Crab, with a flick of his claw, reveals his hidden weapon - a second Bib, enabling him to polish off all but the tiniest crumbs whilst others stared in amazement.

Super Crab

With Bib on and a juicy meal within snapping distance, The Crab displays supernatural strength and lunges across the table, allowing nothing to get in between him and the morsels scattered over the table. Note, his normal favoured food - Shrimp (pictured bottom left of this image) is ignored when tastier snacks are available.

Squid Viscious

Sensing that a feeding frenzy was about to ensue, a nearby member of staff rushed over to The Crab and put on his squid-proof Crab Protection Bib, used only for the biggest of meals. Rumours have been circulating for many months now that the Bib releases special powers within The Crab, although until now, this has been unsubstantiated...... some readers may find the next images disturbing.