Mating Season

Some of the rarest footage to date - The Crab during the early stages of mating in his favoured Balaeric environment. Here we see The Crab moves in on a potential mate, offering some coastal flowers as a sign of his affection. 

Summer 06

Ever keen to return to his aquatic roots, here we see the Crab in his favoured coastal haunt. Note the height of the shorts on his abdomen - typical of the species in the summer months. 

Meeting with Dave

Once great friends, we see The Crab and Mr Thomas David Chugwell at the 2001 National Farmers Union meeting in Driotwich Spa. Dave, sporting the latest look from his local agricultural dealer's merchants is clearly overjoyed to see The Crab.
Crabber (trying to keep a low profile after an unfortunate brush with Cirencester constabulary during a night of excess) arrived at the function disguised as a cloud. 

Fridge Cam

With modern technology ever improving, cameras are finding their way into previously impossible locations. Here we see a still taken from cctv video footage captured from a camera placed within a cooked chicken thigh in a Sub-Zero fridge freezer. The Crab, (leopard of the sea) is seen at the end of a 25 minute stalk, confident that he has now cornered the poultry (evident by his facial expression). 

Dangerous Association

Now is an appropriate moment to introduce anther player into The World - Turner. Well known to all popluar restaurants, hotels and public house in the country, the Crab gravitates to this wild individual (seen here in his display plumage). If seen, this man should be considered highly dangerous and should not be approached. 

Defeated

Traditionally the Crab's domain, here we see Henri using the protective shelter of a moist rock pool in order to lick his wounds after a night of heavy duelling with the Crab. 

Conflict in the North

At low tide in July '06, The Crab scuttled North to visit colleagues in Harrogate for a party. Three hours into the party, a strange green figure was seen floating amongst revellers…..The Crab's worst fears were confirmed - it was Henri. Here we see the moment that the two met, with Henri drawing his sword to defend himself against the Crab's formidable might. Note how Canners, dressed as an over-sized Elvis Presley and having just woken up from a sleep behind the sofa, attempts to calm the situation, asking the two rivals to put their differences to one side. The scenes that followed cannot be shown in the public domain. 

Gap Year

A rare photo of the Crab during his gap year, which he spend working in north east Pakistan as a body double for the Man from Del Monte, featuring in numerous soft fruit commercials and becoming a national hero amongst fruit growers and fruit lovers alike. Here we see the Crab bumping into John Jeffries' cousin whilst shooting a lemon commercial in Jezarat. 

Gatecrasher

Resting and relaxing in deepest Hampshire, the Crab was shocked to wake up after the party to the following image - Henri - high on life and on an all expenses paid trip to the UK, sponsored by a well known tax specialist, arrived in Hampshire having driven from Val' in under four hours (using a back route). Donning his special anti avelanche sun glasses, Henri began an ugly episode of binge drinking. 

Hampshire Hamburgler

By a wonder of modern technology we bring you this picture, captured earlier in teh summer of 2006. I tiny camera inserted into a canape captures the moment that the Crab spies his first snack of the evening as it sits on a silver platter. 

Playing the Field

Here we see a close friend of The Crab's (also called Matthew) enjoying a wedding party in the south of the country, having just told his previous lover to sling her hook because he wanted to play the field. It appears from the attached photo that he has been literally playing "in a field" as this young girl (who bears a strong resemblance to Sam Elliot from the 1985 classic film Mask) has an agricultural look about her.
Hilly (Aka) James Hill, who works within the same industry as The Crab also had an interesting evening at the aforementioned wedding. Photos to follow. 

Muscles from Butlers Marston

Although normally partial to oysters, the crab will also dine on muscles during the summer months. In this photograph taken from the Natural History Museum's archives, we see a small group of muscles growing in the wild. Shy and reclusive, this particular species hunts mostly at night, latching on to anything female, using his pale plumage to trick prey into a false sense of security before attacking with speed and ferocity. 

CLAYDAY!

Dressed in his dry suit, the crab gives the claw up to the crowd before producing a faultless performance in the Pool Shoot. 

KFC announce new menu

April 2006 - KFC announce new boneless chicken snacks. Not since Macdonalds 20 nugget tuesdays had the crab been so excited. 

Flexi Time

At 11.45pm, shortly after necking a bottle of export strength Pernod, Henri was heard to say "I need a holiday" and then collapsed on to a customer in Bananas. Henry was then moved to a seat where he had a power nap, awaking after an hour and a half to resume his job behind the bar. 

Immobilised

At 0230 hrs, Saturday 8th April '06, Ciril, a local vagrant and thief told Henry that as his car had been parked outside Ciril's mother's home for three and a half years, he had stolen all four wheels and would not return them unless a ransom of 400 euros was paid. Laughing at this threat, Henri said that he woudl simply buy another car. 

No Henry Club - new member

"Ohh pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!"


"No Henry" 

After Snow Parties

Rumours that Henri's infamous after snow parties are beginning to damage his health are beginning to look more and more likely. 

Hmmmm

Here through a marvel of photographic technology we see, captured in perpituity, the momements just after Henri is asked by a customer in Banana Bar whether he shoots.

The Official Henri Poll - Please Vote!

"Oh please, pleeease?"
	"Ok"
	"No Henry"
Free polls from Pollhost.com