Top Crab

Like Tom Skerritt (Viper) from the 1986 classic Top Gun, The Crab looks ruggedly handsome as he scuttles accross the Mediterranean in a recent Balearic adventure. Aided by able seaman Canby aka Canners, the Crab, with just one pincer on the wheel, is every bit in control and at home, in this highly saline environment. 

Pool Dredged

Later that night, the pool was emptied and a full inspection carried out. Screams were heard at 2340hrs, as the mysterious object was found by the dredging team. Crabs worst fears were confirmed, as slowly, a hulking character emereged from the pool, glistening in the moonlight, with a glass of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1989 still in his hand - it was Henri…. and he was drunk. It soon became clear that during the previous night Henri, who was spending the summer in his Greek holiday home on a neighbouring island, had been sent out by his father to fetch some more cheese biscuits from the island resort to the south. As their 1930s speedboat had run out of oil, Henri decided to don his childhood wetsuit and swim the 5 miles to the next island, but upon arrival, had passed out in the swimming pool. 

@Home

Confident and graceful in the water the Crab is seen here coming up for air during a recent trip to Greece - staying at JJ's ancestoral home in the famed Kebab region of the country. JJ, whilst relaxing with his old flame Marsh, suddently looks up as he hears the crab gasp! "There's something in the pool! Get out! Everyone, get out of the pool!" The Crab rushed to the resort manager (an unsavory character) and ordered that the pool be dredged immediately in order to remove whatever was lying at the bottom of the deep end. 

Juan

Now is an appropriate time to introduce Juan Jeffries - a local restraunteur and part time chartered surveyor, well known to the Crab, as JJ's Oxfordshire diner is the Crab's favourite place to enjoy Greek food, served by Juan who prides himself on making each meal "just like the motherland".Juan has advised that he is now taking bookings for Christmas and opens daily from 11.30am til late all week (expect delays during Ramadan) 

The Prowling Pincer

At home on land or in the sea, here we see a picture of the mighty mollusc clinging to a rocky outcrop, waiting for a morsel to stray within striking distance. 

Bicuspid Crustacean

Oozing with pheromones, the Crab proves to be a magnet for receptive females. Here we see a native spanish girl gravitating towards his winning smile and un-nerving grasp of the Spanish language - "Los shotos por favore" - he was heard shouting by our man on the scene. 

Crabanova

A potent and exciting lover, The Crab, having discarded one mate, quickly searches for another. In a frenzy of saline seduction, here we see the Crab with a particularly attractive female, captured just off the North West coast of Mallorca. 

Distraught Onlookers

The mating scenes that followed are considered to be too disturbing to show on www.crabsworld.blogspot.com .
All that can be shown are the expressions on the faces of two innocent bystanders as they watch a full mating ritual unfold before their very eyes. 

Mating Season

Some of the rarest footage to date - The Crab during the early stages of mating in his favoured Balaeric environment. Here we see The Crab moves in on a potential mate, offering some coastal flowers as a sign of his affection. 

Summer 06

Ever keen to return to his aquatic roots, here we see the Crab in his favoured coastal haunt. Note the height of the shorts on his abdomen - typical of the species in the summer months. 

Meeting with Dave

Once great friends, we see The Crab and Mr Thomas David Chugwell at the 2001 National Farmers Union meeting in Driotwich Spa. Dave, sporting the latest look from his local agricultural dealer's merchants is clearly overjoyed to see The Crab.
Crabber (trying to keep a low profile after an unfortunate brush with Cirencester constabulary during a night of excess) arrived at the function disguised as a cloud. 

Fridge Cam

With modern technology ever improving, cameras are finding their way into previously impossible locations. Here we see a still taken from cctv video footage captured from a camera placed within a cooked chicken thigh in a Sub-Zero fridge freezer. The Crab, (leopard of the sea) is seen at the end of a 25 minute stalk, confident that he has now cornered the poultry (evident by his facial expression). 

Dangerous Association

Now is an appropriate moment to introduce anther player into The World - Turner. Well known to all popluar restaurants, hotels and public house in the country, the Crab gravitates to this wild individual (seen here in his display plumage). If seen, this man should be considered highly dangerous and should not be approached. 

Defeated

Traditionally the Crab's domain, here we see Henri using the protective shelter of a moist rock pool in order to lick his wounds after a night of heavy duelling with the Crab. 

Conflict in the North

At low tide in July '06, The Crab scuttled North to visit colleagues in Harrogate for a party. Three hours into the party, a strange green figure was seen floating amongst revellers…..The Crab's worst fears were confirmed - it was Henri. Here we see the moment that the two met, with Henri drawing his sword to defend himself against the Crab's formidable might. Note how Canners, dressed as an over-sized Elvis Presley and having just woken up from a sleep behind the sofa, attempts to calm the situation, asking the two rivals to put their differences to one side. The scenes that followed cannot be shown in the public domain. 

Gap Year

A rare photo of the Crab during his gap year, which he spend working in north east Pakistan as a body double for the Man from Del Monte, featuring in numerous soft fruit commercials and becoming a national hero amongst fruit growers and fruit lovers alike. Here we see the Crab bumping into John Jeffries' cousin whilst shooting a lemon commercial in Jezarat. 

Gatecrasher

Resting and relaxing in deepest Hampshire, the Crab was shocked to wake up after the party to the following image - Henri - high on life and on an all expenses paid trip to the UK, sponsored by a well known tax specialist, arrived in Hampshire having driven from Val' in under four hours (using a back route). Donning his special anti avelanche sun glasses, Henri began an ugly episode of binge drinking. 

Hampshire Hamburgler

By a wonder of modern technology we bring you this picture, captured earlier in teh summer of 2006. I tiny camera inserted into a canape captures the moment that the Crab spies his first snack of the evening as it sits on a silver platter.